Yet I still miss him

A lot of time has happened since the first time you were on my mind. A similar amount has happened since you were last with me. They say time heals, and in many ways it has. I had you on my mind, but it was painful. Now that I think of you, I smile.

The feelings are still all here; a strong desire to have you near me. To not loose you, and to not loose myself. To be honest, I thought that by now it would have faded away. Instead, it stuck, but what am I to do for a matter so deep within me it’s out of my control.

Your face, of careful construction, is still on my mind, probably distorted by the pass of time and melancholy, but still here in the end.

I do wish I could touch. Place my fingers inside your curls, and tight your body to mine. Maybe even kiss you, but simply being near you would suffice. Smelling your neck, caressing your cheeks with the back of my finger. All those images inside my head weaken my knees and dull my walk. Basically bring me to tears and to the floor. I instead take a sit, on the sofa, or my bed, and think of you, remember you further.

Your memory, like a drug, pains me, and hurts me, and makes me want to forget everything else. But I still remember you, for despite all the things it makes me feel, I cannot get enough of it, and although I mustn’t deny that the thought of you away from me makes me want to die, I makes me feel so lively; the idea that one day I could have you back, maybe even have you realize just how much I’ve loved you, and you could then just declare it all a mistake, and kiss me, and run away with me. I don’t know, I needn’t make sense it seems, I am so painfully aware this is all just a dream, but even a taste of its reality, makes all reality worthwhile.

Your image brings me peace. I guess there’s no much credit of it to you, but I still thank you, for even in your absence, you’ve brought company to my solitude, and made me realize happiness is a place I might get to, some day.

Alex, thank you.